A Few Things, Falling Apart

We watch a lot of How I Met Your Mother around here, and as it turns out, I just finished an episode where Ted has to choose between his life-long dream and his girlfriend. The final line is "Sometimes things have to fall apart to make room for better things."

I'm feeling a bit like things are not exactly sticking together here in my personal world. I just finished reading a book where the heroine's eyes were open to the fact that the life she was leading wasn't making her happy in any way. She was good at her job, but didn't love it. She was content with her boyfriend, but felt no passion for him. And her house was just that, a house, not a home. When she went to a Picasso exhibit, she saw that he primarily painted three models, and my heroine could see how Picasso felt about each model by the way in which he painted her. One woman particularly stood out for her. She could tell that this woman was vibrant, loved life, and went for those things that made her happy and Picasso painted her that way. She then asked herself, "If Picasso painted me, what would he see?"

Lately, I've been wondering if I am happy with my life the way it is, and I believe the answer is in the question. Why would I even ask the question if I was happy? So then I go on to ask myself, what would make me happy? What is it I want for myself in this life? Right now, that one isn't fully answered. Here are a few things I know:

1. I actually enjoy being home with my boys, even though they drive me nuts some days. Sometimes it seems like I blink and they change dramatically, and I can only guess at how much I would miss if I weren't here with them every day. 
2. I need to have more time to just do things for myself, without kids (and even occasionally my husband) around. It's not that I don't enjoy my time with my men, but some times a girl just needs some quiet time, time to relax, to paint her toenails!
3. I want to do some more creative things, and need to find an outlet for them. Right now, I am going a little nuts (in a good way) working on Christmas presents for my family. I know, it's not even November, but once I got this idea into my head, I just have had to run with it. I haven't even completed anything yet, but I have picked out supplies and am looking forward to getting elbows deep in it. But if I didn't have an occasion to give these 'projects' away, they would just be piling up in our house, and I know that is D's worst nightmare!
4. Finally, I know that I need and want to take better care of myself. There are many things that have fallen through the cracks, mostly since having babies. Things like, shaving my legs, waxing eyebrows, exercising, and eating healthfully. I was so anxious to rejoin Weight Watchers when I was pregnant with Baby #2, I went to my first meeting just a few weeks postpartum. But since that time, I've only lost 15 pounds (all within those first few weeks). 

While creating this list has helped crystallize things for me, writing it down also presents problems of their own. Where do I start? How do I start? What do I want most? Is that where I start? Or do I just jump in with both feet and do a little of everything? I don't know, but maybe that's part of the journey? Guess we'll see.